It’s interesting to see the changing ideas about “what makes a man.” The pushback against “toxic masculinity” intrigues me, and certainly it’s a good thing, to alter from the ideal of “the strong, silent type” of the past, to allowing our young men to express their feelings or pursue alternate life paths. Heaven knows my stay-at-home husband sacrificed a lot when he made that decision, and was subjected to a certain amount of judgment, as if there had to be something wrong with him, to do that. As if he couldn’t compete.
It was partly this that I wanted to explore in Submerged Hopes. Nick, the hero, struggles with the feeling that his Navy career as an office worker is somehow not measuring up against the “snake eater” types, and he also keeps one of his athletic outlets under wraps, because he thinks it might be met with derision, and this is true in real life, sadly.
Why is it that men who play music should choose the drums, trumpet, or guitar, whereas a flute would be considered effeminate? Why are male ballet dancers sneered at, though it’s actually one of the most demanding sports for men? What’s wrong with it if a man enjoys needlepoint? Certainly, on the flip side, I benefitted greatly from the freedom to be a tomboy, to jump out of planes, learn to weld, and pursue other non-“girlie” experiences, so I welcome the changes to the expectations for men.
Nonetheless, I dislike the term “toxic masculinity” since the implication is that simply being male is the root of it, when I think it’s being a jerk, which is a unisex affair. After all, women are capable of being predatory, emotionally withdrawn, and the other attributes ascribed to toxic masculinity. However, it’s true that males were often given a “boys will be boys” pass on some of it. It’s a good thing, that the ideals now are that all people should treat others with respect, not abuse their power, and be able to express their feelings. I’m grateful my son is young enough to benefit from a less constricting expected role.
Still, I hope we won’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. It will be a sad state of affairs if men feel attacked for being male, or lose the lovely masculine attributes of problem-solving, willingness to step in without whining, courage to protect and defend, loyalty, and competitiveness.
I really love exploring these issues; it’s one reason why I like to write dual POV.
Konstanintos is very much a man’s man (BTW, his story, Helios, is free today). https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089G6T6WK My other heroes are still alphas, but without the degree of arrogance that millions of euros bring to the table.
What sort of heroes do YOU like to read about? Do you love Dark Romance with abusive men, since it’s fiction and not real life? Do you prefer the Alpha Male that’s a staple in Romance? Or do you like the ones that are more nuanced, maybe a little closer to real life?
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