If you want to be a writer, the issue of sex scenes is one you’ve got to think about. Skip entirely? How detailed? I’ve had a lot of people ask me about this: “How do you decide how graphic to be?” or say things like, “I don’t like sex scenes; they’re all the same” or “I like sex scenes but so many are just shoved in there” (I don’t think the double entendre was deliberate).
It is hard, at first: How much is too much? Where’s the line between sexy and steamy and trashy? OMG, will people think I’m writing about ME?!!! 😮 What if my grandmother read it? Or a teenager? A Sunday school teacher? A nun?
The truth is, sex has been around forever, and none of those people will be shocked or warped by what I write. Whether they’re willing to admit they read it is a different matter.
Ultimately, Gandhi is my guide, once again: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
So, I strive to make my scenes:
Different—not the same thing all over again. It’s a point of pride that several readers told me, with regards to A Boy & his Dog, “I’ll never look at [redacted] the same way again!”
Meaningful, with emotional overlay, rather than just boinkage
Fun: No lofty “literary” metaphors for me, and humor is often present. And of course, all bets are off in my novel “excerpts” from works a character is reading, which are over-the-top, alliterative snippets full of purple prose, from such gems as Amok in Anchorage, Bothered in Boise, Blizzard Bliss, Torrid in Topeka, and Maximum Thrust. All my stories don’t contain them, because of the word limit for the All American Boy Series, and Fly Boy doesn’t either but my WIP (work in progress) does.
Sexy but not trashy. This is in the eye of the beholder, of course. But the mechanics are well-known, so I tend not to do a long, detailed play-by-play, but rather just enough to get the idea across.
Non-abusive. People like what they like, but I choose not to write scenes of abuse portrayed as “love,” since there might be young, susceptible readers. Gaslighting from a bad lover? That happens sometimes, but in the end they get their comeuppance. This can sometimes mean the devastation of a fast hookup gone wrong, or sex with the wrong person. After all, it’s the emotion I’m after. And safe sex is plenty hot, and in my work any gymnastics are actually feasible (of course, in Maximum Thrust, gravitational forces are altered…).
What do YOU think of sex scenes in general? Want to see more of / less of? I’d love to hear your comments!
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